Sunday, November 20, 2011

Birthday thoughts

My day happened five days back.  No big bang fireworks.  No fancy dining experience. Instead, a simple celebration happened here.

To die for

Yet, prior to any celebration, it has long been my ritual to recap  and reflect all that had transpired over the past year.  It is in  this way I culminate the old year with gratitude for the blessings I have received, extend my sincerest acknowledgement for the learnings from bitter mistakes, then move on to the next with new dreams guided by brighter inspirations.

With obvious lack of commitment to continually grow my best list, I am grateful for having been blessed over the past year with great health (as claimed by my endocrinologist)...

a blissful marriage (spicy at times)...

great support from family (even with bouts of MIS"es"--MISunderstanding, MIScommunication)

long-time friends (thru thick n' thin)

a multi-personality staff (who stands firm and strong in highs and lows)

and of course, the effervescent love affair I have with beads.

In my deliberate move for a long time to remain in silence out of shyness, I opt to share with you how grateful I am for these bests this time.   Life has its own way of taking its course despite the multiple attempts to do otherwise, but I have learned that all are left with no sense and misguided direction without these bests.   Yet, as grateful as I am over all these, I give much thought as well  on the what ifs, what abouts, whys, and how comes.

In this case, I speak of GIVING. 

What is it in giving that a few others are sparked to ask for more?  When given, demands are born and dissatisfaction is raised.  Not a simple thank you is said.  And when denied, nothing is to be expected except for a tounge that could lash one's heart.  

On the day of my birthday, I faced these.

The FIRST happened while at the height of the Pharmacy's medical mission.  Like in previous months, we extended our usual care to those in need of medical assistance and lifetime maintenance by providing free medical check-up and few medicine samples.  Specific to this medical mission,  we took things a notch higher.  Homemade snacks composed of   ham and cheese sandwich and a cup of coffee were provided to all patients as well.  A handful were sincerely delighted and had extended their gratitude.  However, majority spoke otherwise ... "Ay, gusto ko ng tea!".... "Wala bang gatas?".... "Bakit ham sandwich? Sana may iba pa!". Instantly, I thought, "Never again! What's with the demand considering all these are given for free!"

SECOND and THIRD revolved around financial concerns.  First call came early morning, and the next came  late at night.  Both wishes granted.  Yet, I cannot deny myself of that  wish for a birthday greeting while both calls went on.  No one to blame.  I kept my day hush.  Facebook broke the secret.

Similar situations had crossed my path in the past. But lately, I find myself preoccupied with this matter even more.  I could have bluntly put the blame on aging as  main culprit of pinching the most sensitive points of my nerves.  Yet, I was taught and consistently reminded of  the act and benefit  of giving  since childhood. As the saying goes, Give and you shall Receive.   And as what Mom and J. Bond's Mom tirelessly impart, Give and it shall return Tenfold.

The truth is, giving can hurt.

Giving hurts when expectations are set.  No thank yous, just harsh words. It hurts when unsatisfied whims take on the lead.  Immediate financial assistance in exchange for greetings. It hurts when desires lie on bigger returns. An investment anticipated to gain back a huge heap of load in time. Instead, what is gained is loss.

I began writing this post 5 days ago with no clue on how to begin, how to go, more so how to end. All I felt was a strong urge  to ramble on such matter. But as days went by and as my writing of this post had  slowly progressed, I see things clearly now.  

Whims, harsh words and unfulfilled expectations have long  been part of  giving. It will always be.  However, none should matter, nor be bothersome,  as long as the way of giving remains  true and sincere. It is this that I wish for this coming year...The heart of giving. Give without hesitation, without expectation, without  anticipation for gains and returns.   

But returns do happen by the way.  Without knowing and through this post,  I came to realize that  I have long been blessed with  beautiful and heartwarming bests...definitely way beyond a tenfold return.  So I leave it at that and continue on :) 
 Trixie ...

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